your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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