If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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