My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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