..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
