I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
