this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
