That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
