Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
