3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize