i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
