New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
