The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
