Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My penis needs a shock collar
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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