What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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