That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What a dumb baby whore.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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