how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
