I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
