i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize