i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
