I have demons in me.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize