we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
2020 sucks, I want a refund
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize