I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
