Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
