why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
