so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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