i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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