i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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