toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
