Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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