I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
