i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
