My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
