12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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