Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize