I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize