I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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