My room smells like vodka and shame
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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