My sheets look like a crime scene.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
