He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
