I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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