OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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