I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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