Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
