I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
