You just made me feel so damn special
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
