It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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