No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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