i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
