She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
