I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
