wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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