I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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