i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
