Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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