so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
