So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
