Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize