Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
accomplished twins. life is a go
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
