Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
