I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize