Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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