first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
