I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
