If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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