I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
