oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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