I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
