If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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