i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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