im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize