seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My dick has a subreddit
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
