Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
