i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
