dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
