Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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