I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
