so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
