So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize